


When Love Is Question: Sanity Is Optional

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Season/Series 05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-09-20
Updated: 2005-09-29
Packaged: 2018-12-26 23:46:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12069438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: It's been a year since Justin left for New York. He come back to Brian. But is it to open arms?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Justin dropped his bag.  
At that very moment his heart sunk deep into his chest. So much he swore it buldged through his shirt.  
Somehow he made his way through the large door. He entered slowly remember the tender love he made by the firplace. The extended door of ‘his country manor’.   
He remembered how he felt when Brian uttered those three little words again by the fireplace, in the shower the next morning, and when Justin cooked the next day.   
Pushing away those thoughts aside he walked around the house. Feeling a bit lost he wandered back to the one room he did know. He kicked the bag down onto the wooden floor that seemed to extend forever. His light sport jacket was fine for the brisk New York weather, but here he felt chilly. He turned the fireplace on with some logs that he found in the corner of the room. Soon after he laid on the floor using his bag as a pillow. He had a plan, but those damn memories had pushed them right out.   
Brian walked through the clear glass doors of his office. Making his way to his car a sudden rush of feelings stopped him.   
‘I should fucking call him.’ he thought to himself. Somehow he figured tonight he’d be making a long distance phone call to New York tonght. ‘Fuck tonight.’ he thought as he eagerly grabbed for his phone out of his pocket.   
Then remembering he’d left it on the counter this morning he started the car. Cursing himself silently he drove the long trip home without another word about his Sunshine.   
Justin sat up. Immediatly feeling the creak in his neck.   
‘Fuck’ he whispered. He looked down at hisself.   
His paint stained baggy cargo pants hung loosely off his waist. His sport jacket was no cover for the obvious winter outside. Besides the freshly red puffy circles underneath his eyes made sure to anyone he’d been through hell. He only hoped Brian wouldn’t notice.

After realizing his life didn’t exsists without Brian he spent many, many monthss proving himself wrong. He’d gained nothing except a new found respect for monks. Today was a hellish day that he hoped would changed into the first day of his new life.  
At least that was what he hoped.


	2. When Love Is Question: Sanity Is Optional

Midnight Escape

Something about this everlasting kiss felt strangely different and good. Not good, but something above all the other kisses they had ever given each other. When Brian dropped Justin at school, on Michael’s couch watching the French video, Prom, when they first made love after Justin’s bashing, after defeating Stockwell, and well so many others. Brian’s ran his hands through Justin’s hair. It was much longer now about the same length he had during the Stockwell fiasco. It was between a shade lighter in some places and a shade darker in others. 

Justin slipped his hands under Brian’s button down shirt. His ran them up and caressed his shoulder blade, by making small invisible circles. Brian closed his eyes tighter and moan slightly, into Justin mouth. Justin’s heart calmed down and was soothed by Brian quiet reassuring moans. His eye stung from staring at Briana so long. Gasping for air they parted. Brian reinspected his lover: puffy cirlces underneath his eyes meant he was tired, the paint stained cargos meant his was working, and the throbing bulgde in his pants mean’t he was horny. His little twink was ever so beautiful. Those ripe lips were red and irrestiable and by now coated with a mixture of his and Brian’s spit. Brian licked his lips lustfully. He ran his hands down Justin.

Venturing all the way down they made a spot at the curve of Justin’s ass. He slapped it. This caught Justin off guard and made he squeal.   
‘You miss me?’ he responded by nuzzling on the sides of Brian’s neck. Licking and kissing it as he waited for his answer. Brian let himself be pleasured before answering,   
‘What the fuck do you think.’ he said in a throaty seductive tone. Justin stopped and looked up and Brian. Keeping that same eye connected he unbuckled Brian’s pants. Slowly he pushed them down. Brian gently stepped out of them. Justin’s hands sweat in the midst of this. He thought he was going to slip.


	3. When Love Is Question: Sanity Is Optional

However with this much heat between them nothing could stop them. Kissing deeper and more lingering each time. Justin tongue swirled inside Brian’s mouth. Tasting all the familar and new things he could get his tongue on. Brian came up for air, just then he realized the unjust in clothing. He stood with his mouth connected to Justin without his pants, they were on the floor somewhere, his button down shirt was unbuttoned to the last button, Justin was running his index finger up and down his chest. 

His shoes, overcoat, and suit jacket had somehow gotten to the floor. Brian pulled away from Justin. Justin stopped looking confused. ‘Lets get these things off you,’ Brian said unbuckling the top of Justin cargo’s pants. Slipping them to the floor Brian got on his knees. He looked up into the starstuck blue hues. They sparkled. While never losing eye contact he pulled off his socks and underwear. Rising to his feet he got up and pulled the thin white t-shirt off Justin. Justin grabbed for his briefs, but Brian said ‘Leave those on.’ Justin smiled. Brian looked at this. One year without that smile. Justin stared at Brian. A bad memory came back. 

 

Flashback Memory 

 

Jerry closed the window that Justin looked numb and mindless out of from the floor next to it. His head was tilted and one little tear hung out from his right eye. He was just wiping it away when Jerry spoke, 

‘You okay.’ Justin hadn’t moved from that same spot since yesterday morning. He just sat there and looked depressed, smoking many many cigarettes. Justin let them burn down into little stubs while he just and sat and thought. It had been eight months since Brian had called him. Justin made the stupid mistake of sounding way too busy. Brian never called again. Justin put out the cigrarette in the ashtray that sat on the windowsill. 

He felt his eyes sting as he forced himself not to cry. The brisk New York breeze came in from the crack of the window that couldn’t be shut. If only he could just get Brian out of his mind, he be okay. Maybe. 

The impossible has been tried in the past so what was stopping him.


	4. When Love Is Question: Sanity Is Optional

Daphne’s friend Jerry had been nice enough to give Justin a bed to sleep on. Did she say bed she meant a couch.   
An old raggedy couch where smoke smells came out from and stains of old pasta where on. That was his home for the next eight months. 

The last four he spent in his own studio. 

It was cramped little place on the corner of some dirty street in Chelsea. He spent it there, he locked himself in the bathroom with thirty sketchbooks. Filling them in day in and day out.

He didn’t eat or sleep. Just work. Anything to keep Brian off his mind. He couldn’t no matter how hard he thought or tried the only subject he could draw off was : Brian. He’d begin with a simple thing such as a face he pictured in his mind. He’d get so into it he lose his track of thought. The final product would ALWAYS be Brian. 

Months passed by and Justin lost weight. His lean thin body became a boney pale sight. His eyes had deep dark circles. The drawings in his sketbook were dark and bleak minded. 

‘Eat Taylor,’ he spoke to himself. Fighting every urge to go to the kitchen he went to the backroom. Justin took his notebook and went to the bathroom. Passing the counter he noticed he’d left a dish out along with many other dishes on the counter. A cloud of depression took him. He picked up the plate and broke it by throwing it onto the floor. 

Little pieces of cheap white china covered his kitchen floor. He picked a piece a hung in over his arm. Just when he was going to dig it in, and free himself from this overwhelm pain of loneliness, 

his cell phone rang.


	5. When Love Is Question: Sanity Is Optional

The cell phone's id read: Brian. Justin swallowed a lump in his throat and flipped it open.   
'Hello.' he tried his best to seem calm, but being so shaken up his answer came out more in a question than a response.   
'You okay?' Brian asked, knowing his lover wasn't, he regretted asking so knowing Justin was going to lie.   
'Fine, so what's up?' He asked, forgetting everything he dropped the plate piece on the floor. He pulled out a stool underneath the island in his miniature New York kitchen.   
'Are you still coming Saturday?' Brian asked trying to at best casual, not needy and desperate asks he was. Shit, Justin remembered he promised to go to 'burg on Saturday last week, it had been nine months, and Debbie's annoying 'when the fuck are you coming calls?' had become frequent and even though both lover would never admit it, the pain of not seeing each other was getting deeper each day. 

'You still there?' Brian fidgeted and tapped a ball point pen to his desk. Justin looked down at millions of broken pieces of plates on the floor. He thought dropped into his throat, he forgot all he was thinking, he counted the pieces. In such frustration he slammed his fist into the counter, a piece lying on top on it. It dug deep into the side of Justin's hand. The blood scattered into wasn't too much, but just enough to make him cry out. He wasn't sure what made him to this, a bottle of mixed emotions, he concluded. The fear he felt constantly, from his art work. Were there better artist than him nagged him persistently. His overwhelming depression from being alone, this was especially hard since technically he chose this. His constant miss of Brian which freaked him being since he hated being so dependent on Brian. He needed him, this hurt him. In the nine months there Brian had called only three times, this included this conversation, which was still left hanging. 

' Sorry, my mind's kinda every which way, today.' Remembering Brian's point he said, ' I'm not sure about Saturday, Jerry's got this artist friend who was going to take me to Brooklyn to see if they'll put up my work.' Brian mentally sighed, this meant in his mind:   
' I can't go because my art career is more important than spending a weekend with you or your friends, since my life is better than yours.' He said out-loud in his Drama Queen voice,   
'FINE!' Hanging up, he buried his face in his hands. 

Mentally crying, physically cursing Justin.


	6. When Love Is Question: Sanity Is Optional

Shoving that memory out of his mind, Justin looked up to see Brian. Brian looked at him for second, but then his lust-filled deep stare came back. He lend him up the turning stairs that lead up to the extensive second floor. Brian passed many rooms, to his left a possibly studio that met you as soon as you got off the stairs. It had a dark oak door with no windows inside and a huge ceiling that made the room extremely tall and cold-like. The other rooms were possible guest rooms. 

Brian had not touched any of the manor. Being that it was Justin's, although he bought it, and that deep down inside he was waiting for his baby to come back home, just like Al Green, however he would never tell anyone. Justin knew it by walking down the hall, seeing how untouched and empty each room was, as if it was a sign from Brian saying,   
'See baby I was waiting for you.'   
He smiled to himself. After walking through the long hallway they ended up in the Master Bedroom. He felt a warm sense of happiness come over him, he was finally getting this the way he wanted.


	7. When Love Is Question: Sanity Is Optional

Sorry the last have been so short but it was all leading up (no pun intended) to the climax, which is this chapter

* * *

Half naked the lovers made it the bedroom, pausing for a second they looked, stared deeply into each other. Catching a glimpse of each other's soul. Justin assaulted Brian's mouth. 

His tongue danced to their loving beat inside Brian's mouth. Brian slipped his hand down Justin pale, but firm chest. He ended in his briefs, slipping in his finger he stroked his cock, slowly. 

Justin's eyes closed, he inhaled holding his breathe and releasing it out in a long moan. Brian lowered himself to his knees. The room temperature dropped. It was heated, not chilly like it was when Brian wasn't home. Brian kissed his way down Justin's chest. 

He licked one nipple hard. It turned the furious red color that Justin's cheeks always did. He shoved his tongue inside Justin's belly button. Giggling between each moan, Justin was confused he wasn't sure to be aroused or tickled. 

Justin: He sucked on my belly button slowly seeing the way it made my hard on rise higher. He took it so slow as if to make up for the lost time. The year was going to be revisited and I was pretty sure in each and every one of these rooms. 

By now he's made me so horny my knees go weak. He looks up with that classic smirk and pushes me down to the bed. The sheets feel cold for a second before he returns to 'pleasing' me. He sees the neglection that my cock feels and finally goes to it. 

He takes it by his hand, my cheeks are flushed and pink, but God does it feel so good. He takes me cock and swallows it all at once. Then he slowly lets a bit of out, rotating it out and in. It goes out and it. He sucks on the shaft, my dick is leaking pre cum, he lets that go down his throat. 

I grab the sheets and hold it tight, my grip tighten as he lunges forward and suck it all in. My toes curl in all this amazing and missed pleasure. 

'O, God, shit.' minutes later, 'Fucking yes, yes,' Along with wordless moaning. When no more words came to mind, sound just came out of my mouth. He looked up for a second, he say me ripping away at the sheets, grasping them so hard my knuckles turned white. He saw me arch my back and flutter my eyes in what could only be described as oblivion. Soon, I came all over the sheets, in his mouth, and probably on the floor. He came up, connecting his lips to mine. Sucking my tongue into his mouth. 

Tasting myself on his tongue made me dig deeper. I swirled around his mouth. All the while he stroked my side. Running his hand up and down sending multiple shivers up my back and through my body. 

This felt so good. He then rolled me over kissing down my back. Leaving a trail of his spit filled kissed that were warm. Somehow I managed to get a sentence out. 'You, missed this?' I uttered feeling that it was out of place, but still need to be said. 'Uh huh,' I understood, he said it between kisses. He hands hugged me. 

One caressed my back while the other laid on my side. He hands were protectively claiming me. I missed the loving feeling he gave me. The unspoken love with gave each other. 

He came up and whispered into my ear,   
'Close your eyes, don't open them until I say so.' 

Brian: He looked so angelic and ready. Little did he know my surprise for him. It had been one year since that last night. The night where he was my equal when he became the Greatest Homosexual That He Could Be. 

He left, having secretly spoken to Jerry, he told me that he never went out. We spoke three times, he never ate, and only stayed locked inside the bathroom. Then he moved. Sadly I never called him. 

I always doubted that he wanted to hear from me. I called once but that ending badly. I look down at him, he looks thiner. Much thiner, that's okay because he's going to be mine very soon, and this is forever. He is never leaving, not that he knows that yet, but I am never letting him go. 

Those painful- mentally crying nights were too hard on me. And for the looks at it, it was hard for him too, Now I must surprise him, with what he wants and wanted for a very long time. 

Brian: You lay on top of him and then you enter him slowly. He holds his breath, Then lets it go when he realizes: there's no condom. You keep it slow until he gets into it, you've never done this with anyone. And now you wonder why. 

You feel it, when he moans escape his ripe lips that you sucked almost all off. He arches his back, he lets this feeling penetrate deep inside him. This may be the only time, he thinks.

But you know now that this is all you want, him and all of him. With this you knock down all the mental barriers between both of you. I love you, ' you whisper into his ear, it's so soft it's almost inaudible. He hears it and you know because he moans out a happy cry. 'O, me too, yes, yes' 

This makes you smile. The sweat is collecting on the bed. It's becoming a third skin on both of you. Then you cum deep inside his ass. He feels it and cums too. The orgasms calm down and you shuffle off him. You lay next him, he instantly puts an arm around your waist. He kisses you shoulder. He sits up as he looks deep into your hazel eyes. 

His allergies are catching up to him because you see a wet shimmer in his eye, this gets to you. But you do not show it. He goes to wipe the tear, but then you lean in and kiss it away. It makes him give you his Sunshine smile and you both laugh.  
You lay back down and he lays on top of you listening intently to your heartbeat. 

Together you become one, before drifting off to sleep.


End file.
